last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
