I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
