Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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