idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
