hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
