everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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