and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
