420 ftw
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
