Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
