I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
