When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
