she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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