I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
