Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
