my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
