he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Naked Twister starts at high noon
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
