a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
