you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
