I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
