I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
