apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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