watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
