Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
