Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
how does that bad decision feel?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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