Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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