This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
