he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
