i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
