i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
