so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
