So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
