But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
