can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
