are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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