Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
