I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
