Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
