She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
