He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
