I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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