Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
