her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
