3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
