Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is wine microwaveable?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
