you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
