What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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