So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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