The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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