Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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