Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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